We have an Angel in our family.

Around the time Ben was 6 months old, we starting noticing that our son was not progressing like other kids his age. By the time he was 1, we knew something was definitely wrong. He wasn't crawling, he wasn't babbling or saying any words, his eyes looked crossed, and just tons of other things were "off." Doug's parents came to visit and told us about an early intervention program here in Utah that can help kids with their development. The program is called DDI Vantage. 

We called up DDI and requested an assessment of our son. They came and confirmed that our son was behind in every developmental area. We began service with them and since that time we've been on a long journey trying to search for answers. 

Working closely with our pediatrician, we saw tons of specialists - neurologists, orthopedic specialists, 3 different ophthalmologists, speech therapists, physical therapists, occupational therapists, etc. We ran every test requested - MRIs, vision tests, hearing tests, blood tests, eye surgery etc. 

Throughout all this testing and throughout all the doctor visits no one could provide us with an answer. We were told to just keep doing what we were doing as we set up appointments for the next specialist. 

For the past year we've fought with our insurance company to cover a genetic test that was first requested by our neurologist and then secondly requested by our pediatrician. We finally won that battle and in December, we took a fresh cheek swab and sent it off to the testing center. 3 months later, we finally have the results of that test. Ben has Angelman syndrome. 

Angelman Syndrome is a neuro-developmental disorder characterized by severe intellectual and developmental disability, sleep disturbance, seizures, jerky movements (especially hand-flapping), frequent laughter or smiling, and usually a happy demeanor.

Those with the syndrome are generally happy and contented people who like human contact and play. People with AS exhibit a profound desire for personal interaction with others. Communication can be difficult at first, but as a child with AS develops, there is a definite character and ability to make themselves understood. People with AS tend to develop strong non-verbal skills to compensate for their limited use of speech. It is widely accepted that their understanding of communication directed to them is much larger than their ability to return conversation. Most affected people will not develop more than 5–10 words, if any at all.

-www.angelman.org

We received this diagnosis about 1 week ago, so I’ve had 7 days to process a lot of information. To be honest, I don’t think I’ll ever be done processing the information, but 7 days into this, I’m ready to kick some AS butt. Getting this diagnosis means a lot of things: Ben will always require our care, I may or may not ever get to hear my son’s voice, I need to learn a lot more about seizures than I currently know, but most of all - I get to keep my happy, sweet, loving, boy for the rest of his life!

There are seriously so many mixed emotions with all of this information. For the most part, this changes nothing. We will continue to keep Ben in his various therapies, he will go to school, he will continue to be delayed developmentally, etc.

What this does change is the fact that we now have a name for all of his symptoms and are now aware of how better to help him. We have a better sense of what the future holds for us and our family. Of course, only Ben can show us his full potential  but, we can better anticipate the struggles he may face.

What this will never change is how Doug and I feel about Ben. He has always been a blessing straight from heaven. I prayed long ago for God to bless Doug and me with a child. I asked God to send me any child that needed a loving family. I specifically told Him to send me a child with or without disabilities – that I would take the child that others might struggle with. My promise to God was that if He would bless me with a child that I would do everything in my power to make sure that child was loved and cared for and that I would make sure to raise that child to know God.

And wouldn’t you know it? God gave me exactly what I asked for and then some! I have two beautiful and physically-healthy boys. Since day one, Ben has been an absolute joy and blessing in our home. He has filled our home with so much laughter and joy, it’s unbelievable. I know that I need - and have always needed - Ben much more than Ben needs me. I will continue to love him and teach him, just as I promised, and I will continue to thank God for the blessing of my two sweet sons.

One purpose in sharing all of this with you is of course to give you an update and some insight into our lives. A secondary purpose is to raise some awareness. 

Much of the runaround we endured while searching for an answer is simply due to a lack of knowledge and awareness of this disorder. Ben’s symptoms match Angelman Syndrome to a T. He has almost all the markers. It’s unbelievable to think there was this answer out there all along that describes our son so perfectly. If only someone could have fit the pieces together! But because this disorder is so rare and most people don’t encounter Angelman’s on a regular basis there’s not very much information on it in comparison to other disorders and diseases.

If you have a few minutes to spare, watch the following videos about Angelman Syndrome but, make sure to have some kleenex handy because your eyes may get a little sweaty (and by sweaty I mean you may bawl like baby.)

What can YOU do to help?

Visit http://www.angelman.org/ or  http://cureangelman.net/ for more information on this disorder. 

Donate to research for Ben and other AS kids and adults, so that one day we might find a cure. Knowledge is power – the more we learn about AS, the brighter our future may be!

Do you order through Amazon? Use Amazon Smile and choose Foundation for Angelman Syndrome Therapeutics so everytime you shop, a portion of your sales can fund more research. 

Walk with us! Check out www.angelman.org to find a walk close to you. If you can't walk - donate!

Be Kind. It's hard going out in public when you know people notice that your child is different. You don't need to pretend that Ben's syndrome doesn't exist, don't feel like you have to skirt around the topic. The best thing to hear is a compliment at how sweet he is or how beautiful his giant smile is. This really softens the blow when we see another "typical" child running around and screaming with excitement. We would give anything to see Ben running around a restaurant and yelling at people! I pray that one day I will hear his sweet voice. 

Be understanding. There are days we feel alone, defeated, heartbroken and exhausted. We work full-time to be able to cover medical bills and to have health benefits for him. When we're not working, our "free time" is filled with appointments, therapies, medical paperwork, church assignments, etc. Occasionally we squeeze in some much needed family/rest time. 

We may not always have time for friends and we may forget things from time to time. Please don't take it personally.  It doesn't mean we don't love you and aren't thinking about you. We're just trying to take in one day at a time as best we can. 

Our family appreciates all the kind words and support we’ve received over the years and in the past week since we’ve learned about this disorder. We have such a great group of friends and an amazing family. I can’t tell you how much it means to me to be surrounded by so much love.  We love you all!

A child is born: David Hyrum Garding's birth story

My son David Hyrum was born on 11/22/2015 at 12:39am. He weighed 7.7lbs and measured 20 inches.

My due date was 11/25/2015 according to the ultrasound tech’s measurements and 11/29/2015 according to my doctor’s pregnancy wheel/gestation calendar. So depending on which one you ask I was either 3 days early or 7 days early.

The day I went into labor, I was planning on going to my sister, Kristi’s, house 40 minutes away for my niece’s birthday party. When I woke up that morning everything was normal, but early on I felt like something was different. I didn’t think I was in labor, but some part of me was feeling anxious. At one point I was sitting down playing on my computer when I felt a little “squirt,” I would say, of water. I went to the bathroom to see what was going on. It was just a small amount of fluid – no odor or color. I thought it might be my water, so I went back to my computer and searched the internet for answers.

The internet advised me that I should lay down flat for a while. After laying down for a while, if I stood up and felt more water, then that would mean it’s my amniotic fluid. If not, most likely a false alarm. So I did that and no more water trickled out. So I thought – hmm must be a false alarm.

My other sister, Kassi, met me at my house so we could carpool to the birthday together. I told her about what had happened but since the internet didn’t cause me any alarm and I wasn’t experiencing any contractions yet, we didn’t really worry about it.

We loaded up all the kids in the car. Because I was still feeling anxious and since I was so close to my due date, I decided to bring my packed bags with us. I had packed a bag for myself as well as for my son, Ben. My sister and husband thought I was crazy when they saw me loading my bags into the car, and I honestly didn’t think I’d be using them either, but I really don’t like being caught unprepared. Better safe than sorry!

My sister and I started on our trip and about 10 minutes into the drive I started feeling contractions. I didn’t know at the time that they were contractions, but now I do! I just thought I was cramping up a little bit or experiencing some gas. My sister asked me if it felt like my stomach was “tight” and I said yes. After it happened several more times, we both realized that I was having small contractions. I started freaking out. If I was in labor, I wanted to be close to home. Especially since it was Saturday right before Thanksgiving so there was a lot of traffic on the road. I’d never gone into labor naturally before so I had no idea what to expect. I was a bit hysterical during that car ride.

Remember how I said I liked to be prepared? Well the night before, I had downloaded a couple “contraction counter” apps on my phone. I pulled up one of the apps and started timing my contractions. My contractions continued to grow in intensity as we drove and were pretty consistently spaced. They were a bit uncomfortable, but not too bad. The app I was using is programmed in such a way that it calculates the intervals and frequencies of your contractions for you and alerts you when it’s time to get to the hospital. Well, about 10 minutes away from Kristi’s house my app told me “get to the hospital!” I really started to panic when that popped up. My sister was laughing at me, but she was also extremely supportive the entire drive. Even though the app had already told me I was in labor and to get to the hospital I continued to time my contractions once we got to Kristi’s house.

We got to the party in time to see Jetta open some presents and blow out her candles. I’m pretty sure we had missed some of the games. I was sitting in her living room trying to calm myself down and focus on timing my contractions. After about the 4^th or 5^th alert to “go to the hospital,” my sisters told me I should call my OBGYN and see what he thinks.

I called my doctor and explained what was going on. He told me that, especially with this being my 2^nd child and because I was about an hour away, I should go ahead and head to the hospital. He would meet me there.

So after being at my sister’s house for maybe 20 minutes, we got back in the car and headed to the hospital. I called Doug as we drove to let him know I was in labor and was heading to the hospital. He was pretty shocked when I told him.

I got to the hospital, they were expecting me, they observed me for about an hour I was 100% effaced when I got to the hospital and about 3cm dilated. I believe it was about 6:30pm or so at this point. They hooked me up to the belly monitors and got an IV started (still the worst part of labor, in my opinion). They checked me every so often, and every time told me thing were moving right along and I kept dilating more and more. At some point between 3 and 5cm they offered to have the anesthesiologist come in and give me an epidural since he was available and of course, I said yes because I’m not a hippie like you other crazy mommas out there. (haha just kidding! I love you ladies! More power to ya.) Eventually, right around midnight I felt the urge to push. I called the nurses in and sure enough, I was ready to go. They got my bed all cleaned up and prepped and called the doctor in to deliver the baby.

He came in, told me to push. I pushed. The head was out. I pushed 2 more times and his whole body was out. They said I pushed for 39 seconds. No tearing, didn’t even break a sweat. It was amazing! I couldn’t believe it.

After everything was said and done, I learned that David’s head had been so far down on my cervix that they had to work a little bit to break my amniotic sac and when they did, it was just a trickle not a gush. (which is partly why I think I felt the trickle earlier in the day. I think my sac had technically broken already but his head was covering up the hole so it couldn’t come out.) They also told me the cord had been wrapped around his neck and so he had come out pretty blue/purple, but he pinked right back up as soon as they got the cord away.

All in all, the pregnancy itself was a breeze (other than the serious back pain) and the labor went perfectly. Now I have this perfect little boy in my arms every day who coos and smiles and smells so sweet. I don’t know why my children are so much cooler than everyone else’s children, but I mean – they have good genes, so it makes sense I suppose. J

Happy belated day of birth David Doodle!

My Child is Different Than Yours, and I'm Trying To Get Over That.

I announced on Facebook quite a while ago, that my son, Ben, is developmentally delayed. Not just in one area, but all across the board. 

While other moms seem to be counting all the ways their kids are surpassing the norm, I catch myself often tallying up the things my son doesn’t do. And there’s quite a laundry list, let me tell you. 

It’s extremely difficult to not feel like I’m failing my son in some way because of where he is at. Logically, I know that’s not true, but telling yourself the truth is so much easier than actually believing it.

I love my son. He is the sweetest, happiest little boy I've ever known. And that makes things a little easier. He’s so content with his life. He doesn't know he’s different or lacking particular skills that other kids have mastered.

A lot of parents tell me that “kids all develop in their own time.” Or “He’ll catch up. My kid didn’t walk till X months either.” And I just think – yeah, that’s true – I’m sure Ben will get there eventually, but he’s nowhere near walking or talking yet and he’s 19 months in about 3 days (he only started crawling about 3-4 months ago). I’ll be blown away if he’s walking by the time he’s two. And the older he gets, the wider the gap becomes between him and other kids.

We took him to get an MRI at the recommendation of his pediatrician. That came back normal. Now we have a referral to take him to a developmental pediatrician, and may possibly end up doing some genetic testing to try to get to the root of the issue.

We are working with an occupational therapist who is wonderful and comes over to our house 2x per month and works with Ben and teaches us some exercises to practice with him. Friends say to me, “well at least you’re doing something.” That’s true. But it’s hard to feel like patting myself on the back when he’s been having therapy sessions for about 6-7 months and it seems like the only thing he’s gotten nailed down is crawling. I know it’s helping, but it just seems sooo slow.

I keep reminding myself of something my grandma said to me: 

“Just raise them, don’t race them.”

My grandma, is awesome, isn't she?

My son is happy and has no serious health issues and he gets along with everyone. What more can a mom really ask for?

I have a great life and a beautiful family. And 99% of the time I can keep that perspective. It’s just that pesky 1% of the time that really gets to me some days. But it’s okay. I’ll get over it. Things will get better, or maybe they’ll get worse – but either way, it’s out of my control and all I can do is trust in the Lord and count my blessings.

Here's blessings 1-100, right there:

1/4 of a Century

I was born 25 years ago today. 25 sounds like a lot of years when you say it flat out, but really I'm not even at the half-way point of life yet! I've been told by several people that the "real world" won't take you seriously until you are 25. Well... I'm 25 now, so start taking me seriously!!! :) Also, now I can rent a car all by myself! :) Only 10 more years and I can run for president of the United States! 

This birthday, I've been reflecting a lot on where I thought I would be when I hit this age compared with where I actually ended up. I have to say, while I wish I would have been more "serious" in my younger youth, I absolutely love my life! 

When I was a teenager, 25 sounded so far away. I thought I would have graduated college with a Bachelor's Degree in Music, served a full-time mission for my church and then married at the age of 23. I always imagined I'd have at least 2 kids by the time I hit 25. Hah! Those plans did not pan out the way I imagined! 

Life has a way of derailing your plans and then it finds a way to make you fall in love with the changes. 

Instead of studying music, I have had the "opportunity" to study many subjects (mainly due to my indecision). While yes, this has been a setback to my degree timeline, it's been a blessing to have studied so many different subjects and fields and to be able to use all that extra knowledge that I have gained into my everyday life. Instead of a Bachelor's degree, I have an Associate's degree.  As a result of all my "soul" searching, I have found a subject that I love and am passionate about and while I still won't be done studying for many years to come, I am happy with my choice to continue my education. That is one goal that I will never give up on. 

I did not serve a full-time mission for my church. Instead I met a respectable, thoughtful, young man who took me to the temple and we were sealed together for all time and eternity. Together, we have grown emotionally and spiritually. He has been such a blessing in my life and I have learned so much about the gospel and about myself, and about respecting people because of his example and his insights. Also, as I've grown up and moved around, I've had the opportunity to teach the gospel to all ages in classes at church and to new friends that I meet. And one day, when Doug and I are older, we will serve a full-time mission together. :) 

I definitely got married way before the age of 23. While some people would argue that even 23 is too young to get married- I got married at 19 and I don't regret it for a second. I have grown and matured WITH my husband. We have developed our habits and lifestyles TOGETHER. Some people told me, before I was married, that marriage would not be what I imagine; that I was "in for a surprise"; that I had no idea just what it would be like. And while, yes, there are aspects to marriage that were a surprise to me - I feel that I was adequately prepared for the choice I was making. 

People told us that the first year would be the hardest. (Other people argue that it's the 2nd year that's the hardest). We're going on our 6th year and well, I am still waiting on that "hard" year. Doug and I have never had to raise our voices at one another, we have never had an argument that got our blood boiling. (Although, he did call me a "dummy" on our honeymoon because I accidentally turned off the car...haha!) We discuss the things that are bothering us and we work through them together. We lean on each other very often for support. I'm not trying to say marriage is a cakewalk and I'm certainly not trying to say our marriage is perfect, but what I am trying to say is that my marriage is certainly worth sacrificing all that I have to make it work. Doug is my best friend and I would make the same decision to marry him, even at 19 again, in a heartbeat.

As for kids, I hit some bumps on that road too. I definitely don't have 2 or 3 or 4. Though many of my friends who were married after me have that many. Nope, for now we just have the one and I can't imagine my life without Ben. He is such a blessing everyday. He is certainly not an "easy" baby by any means, but he is a joy and he is so good and sweet and pure. He is the best this world has to offer and I love him more and more each day and want him to be happy and successful in life. 

So, in conclusion - the past 25 years are not how I would have planned them; my life events didn't fall on my timetable, but the Lord had something much better in store for me and I wouldn't change a thing! 

25 years down, a lot more to go! I'm looking forward to the changes and opportunities that await. :)

Family Updates

We have now been in SLC for the past 1 1/2 months. Seems like a lot longer... but the calendar doesn't lie. We're still newbies.

I am seriously loving it here. It's warm (relatively, of course), the people are super friendly (like- sincerely friendly), I have an awesome, good-paying job in an industry I love (finance & customer service) and it's within walking distance from my home (it's about 3 minutes away by car, about 10 minutes if I walk). 

We found a really flexible daycare provider for Ben who only charges $3/hour and it soo great with kids. 

Doug is enjoying school and has also found a part-time job. He's still working on the hiring paperwork process, but once that's all set we will be good to go. And his job is super flexible and pays well too. 

Things are just working out well here. & There is so much more to do and see. (Of course, we're home-bodies, so that doesn't mean we've gone out and seen them yet - but knowing they are out there is satisfying.)

Update on Ben - I'm not going to do an official "8 month post" this month because I just did one for 7 1/2 and not too much has changed since then. But for the little updates:

He's sooooo close to crawling (or at least scooting). He is rolling with much more purpose and focus these days and is starting to reach for things that are a little further away from him. Occasionally he will roll in order to get a better angle on things and he's kick his feet on the floor when he's on his belly (he hasn't quite figured out what position they need to be in in order to propel himself). He's definitely using that cute little brain of his! 

Since he has 2 teeth and has more coming in, I've been working on giving him foods that he can chew. Like bananas, apple chunks, pasta, animal crackers, etc. He LOVES bananas. He scarfs them down. It's so fun to watch him eat a banana. He won't hold it - I keep trying - but he will push my hand towards his mouth when he's ready for a new bite and will gnaw on it until he breaks off a chunk. Then he smacks it around in his gums for a few seconds, swallows it down and the process repeats itself. 

His sleeping through the night has regressed and Doug & I are not happy about it. Ben needs to just be on my sleep schedule and sleep 23 hours out of the day. (Kidding, I only sleep 15! ;P)

Well, that's about it, I think!

Feel free to compare & contrast these yawning "then & now" photos of Ben:

7 months!

Ben is 7 months old! (Well technically, he's 7 1/2 now...) This 7th month has been an eventful one for Ben.

• He moved away from the only home he's ever known. 
• He had his pacifier taken away (again!)
• He now has only 1 bottle a day - the rest is oatmeal and other baby food (and man, does he pack it away!)
• He reaches up when he sees mommy or daddy
• He can sit up and grab his toes (but only for a little bit then he topples over)
• He sleeps through the night, and when he wakes up, he can put himself back to sleep
• He likes to Skype his Grandparents
• He LOVES to bounce in his bouncer! He is a bouncing machine!!
• He rolls all around - he can be all over the place when he wants to be, but for the most part he still stays in one place and chews on his toys
• He met his future wife - a Tongan YSA in our ward at church with long, pretty hair who smiles at him a lot. :)
• and he went down a slide with Dad for the first time!

(My adorable blue teddy bear!)

Ben loves sucking on his fingers. And he loves sticking his fingers in Mom's mouth, so that I can taste how delicious they are, too. (6/10 - would taste again)

This little boy is such a happy boy. It is so easy to get a giggle out of him. It is not always an easy job, but it is an honor to get to be the mother of this sweet little one.

How can you not love that adorable face!?

Oh yeah - and since we're talking about milestones I guess you're wondering how much this chubster weighs nowadays. Well.... 

Height: ~27 inches

Weight: ~19.6 lbs (Yes, my kid is a fatty mcfatterson, but we wears it all in his double chin.)

(I had to include this picture - because these two are pretty much best friends. Ben cracks up when the Dog is around, and Owen always gets a slobbery, wet, regurgitated snack when he hangs out near Ben. Plus, Owen is our first born and this picture is just too cute to leave out!)

Christmas & Moving

So, this post is way late! But I figured you'd all want to see Ben's 1st Christmas! :) We stayed home in Idaho for Christmas. So it was just the 3 of us + Owen (the dog). Right after we opened presents, I packed up the tree because we moved a couple days later! Ben was very tired Christmas morning, because I had taken his pacifier away the night before. So he was a little out of it. Most of the pictures we took of him had a really flat, sleepy expression. But we still managed to take a few happy, smiling ones too! 

 Ben LOVED sucking on the wrapping paper. (Don't worry - he was supervised the whole time and did not consume any. :) )

 I think his favorite part was crinkling the paper. Right after his first present, we decided he was just too sleepy. So we laid him down for a nap and put Christmas on pause for a while.

 Once he woke up from his nap, we was ready to go again. With all the pretty bows laying around, I just couldn't resist.

 He REALLY loved the presents we got him. We got him a bunch of things that rattle (I'm shaking a rattle in the above picture). He went nuts for them!

 He was amazed by the wrapping paper. He had no idea what this nonsense meant.

 "What the heck is going on!?"

 "Oh, I love it!!!"

 Playing on the floor with his new toys!

I told you Ben loves the Dog. They have a very symbiotic relationship. Owen loves to come clean-up the messes Ben makes (aka spit-up) and Ben loves to pull the dog's hair. They get along great!

Some of our favorite Christmas presents:

Kendra's - meat slicer, recipe binder, a few clothing articles

Doug's - a blue tooth speaker

Ben's - Anything that rattles and some books that have tails sticking out of the pages

So with Christmas over, we packed and cleaned as much as we could and then hopped in the truck to Salt Lake City. Doug is going back to school. I am soon to be working full-time (which I am both nervous and excited for!) We have a little tiny apartment, in a very culturally-diverse neighborhood. We have lots of friends and family near-by and there are tons of things to do here. So far, we love it!

I'm excited for the change of pace and since we'll be here for the next several years while Doug is in school, I'm glad to feel like we can lay down some "roots" while we're here. No more moving every 7-8 months. And hopefully, since I'm planning on being here for a while - I'll be able to progress a bit in my field and advance to some higher positions. (We will see!)

6 months

Ben is 6 months old!!! Half a year!!!

Height: 26.5"

Weight: 17lbs 1.5oz

Ben is now eating solid food. We started him on oatmeal cereal and he absolutely LOVES it. He is such a good eater. He gets it all in his mouth and swallows it down without making too much of a mess. As soon as he sees me scoop some more oatmeal in the spoon, he opens his mouth in preparation. It is adorable! And once the food is gone he screams at the top of his lungs. I just can't get over how smoothly the feedings have gone. I'm glad that we waited until he was 6 months old. (The doctor told me we could feed him sooner, but I figured, "why rush?" so we waited.)

Here's a video of Ben's very first time eating oatmeal (warning: it's unnecessarily long!!):

He has become much more precise with his arm movements. He can now grab what he wants on the first try. 

He smiles at everything. He loves when we clap or snap or wiggle our fingers. He loves when Dad blows raspberries on his belly, but not mom because she just doesn't do it right. He still loves taking baths and we love bathing him, because he smells soooo good afterwards. 

He cannot get enough of Owen, our dog. He loves petting him and grabbing his fur. The other day Ben grabbed a hold of Owen's face - he had his fingers in Owen's eyes - and was just squeezing his face over and over again. Owen was so good about it - he just stood there and let Ben maul him. 

Ben's favorite room in the entire house is the bathroom. He thinks the shower curtain is hilarious and he loves whacking it. I let him hang out in there when I take a shower or when I am getting ready. It's nice that he's so easily entertained. :) 

 Here's a picture of Ben watching Baby Einstein on my cell phone while I'm making dinner. It's so mesmerizing to him.

Ben fell asleep in his bouncer/exersaucer thing. About 20 minutes later, he woke up and started playing with his toys again, like nothing had happened! Gosh I love this boy! 

5 months

So, I totally failed at getting pictures of Ben at 5 months! But what kind of mother would I be if I just gave up!? So, here's a filler picture for you - and I will try to do better with the following months. :) 

At 5 months old, Ben is sitting up with support. He still likes to slouch over if you turn your back, but for the most part he sits pretty well in his bumbo or on your lap. 

He got his first cold this month. Poor boy - he was coughing and congested and couldn't breathe. We kept him medicated with some Tylenol and had a humidifier in his room. We also got plenty of use our of his bulb syringe. He is feeling much better! 

On top of being sick - he started teething (for real) about 2 days after he got sick, so on top of not being able to breathe - he was additionally fussy because he had TWO teeth coming in at the same time!! 

At 5 1/2 months we started sleep training him. I've been using a mix of the Ferber Method/Full extinction method. We got him out of his swaddle, but he is still sleeping with a pacifier. He sleeps sooooo much better now. Not totally perfect, but a couple days ago he slept 10 straight hours!! (No getting up to put in his pacifier!) It was awesome. So we're definitely making huge strides. 

He absolutely LOVES watching any sort of screen. He loves staring at my phone when I'm sending someone a text message, he loves watching his dad play xbox, and he has recently been introduced to Baby Einstein and oh my gosh- HE LOVES IT. I swear, that show is like crack for babies. He is glued to it when I turn it on. He loves those puppets! haha. Don't worry, I don't turn it on that often - it's just when we need some down time. The one episode I totally love it "Lullaby Time" - it works like charm calming him down and getting him into that sweet sleepy mode. 

He has started using his legs more. He loves bending down and pulling on his socks. He's now at the age where I will pick him up and his socks will be no where to be found! He kicks them off in his sleep, they get pulled off when he's lying on the floor, they come off when he's in his bouncer, etc. I just cannot keep socks on those wiggly little feet! :) I think I need to pull out the duct tape! 

Alright - so I didn't get any official 5 month pictures of Ben and I am not sure which pictures I took are of him at what age - but here are some cell phone pictures of my little sugar booger for you! 

Declaring Accomplishments

On Saturday, I went to a Relief Society activity. For those of you who don't know, Relief Society is an organization within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for women 18 and older. This activity was one where we learned how to do simple Christmas-themed crafts.

During the activity I chatted with several women who were sitting with me at the table. The common topic of every conversation was "I'm not crafty." For anyone who really knows me, you'll know that being creative is extremely daunting to me. I can often be found having a nervous breakdown when put in a room with beads or a sewing machine. (This is not a joke!)

Well, it just so happened that at this activity, I found that many of these women feel similarly to me. Our table-wide conversation started to become a "one-up" competition; each of us trying to prove that we really are the least skilled or the least crafty.

I didn't think anything of it at the time it was happening, but when I went home I kept thinking (and am still thinking) "Why do we do this!?"

Why is there this constant need to put ourselves down or downplay our abilities? I sincerely have a hard time being crafty. I honestly don't think it will ever become a passion of mine - but I really enjoy the feeling of completing a project and being able to say "I made this!"

So, I decided that for at least today, I'm going to think of things that I am good at. Everyone has skills and abilities. Yours may not be the same as mine, but you have them and they make up who you are!

So, I challenge anyone who reads this to make a list of things that you are good at! It doesn't have to be public like mine - you can just think it or write in on a piece of paper. It's easy to compare ourselves with those around us and to focus solely on our deficiencies. I really think it's okay to understand your limitations. At the same time, I think it's important to, every once and a while, remind yourself why you are awesome - because you are!

Georgia O'Keeffe once said: "You get whatever accomplishment you are willing to declare."

So with that - here's my list:

I am great at cleaning and organizing
This is the kind of stuff that makes me tick. My favorite aisles in any store? Cleaning & Office Supplies. My husband doesn't let me go down the office aisle because he knows he'll have to drag me away. When I am shopping, no matter what it is, my immediate thought when I see something in the store is "Where will this go?" It could be a carton of eggs or new board game, but it doesn't come home with me if I can't figure out where I am going to put it.

I am patient
I feel like I have always been a patient person (except for when it comes to opening presents on Christmas morning). I don't get bothered easily, I am fine waiting for things (even at the DMV!), & even during hard times I am a pretty positive, optimistic person. Now that I have a new baby, I feel like I have an even deeper degree of patience.

I am forgiving
Last night, my husband stepped on my pinky toe and it hurt REALLY badly. But the first thing out of my mouth was "it's okay, it's okay!" as I ran to the couch and curled up into the fetal position clutching my toe. This is a silly example - but I think it really illustrates how I feel when someone "wrongs me." I don't hold grudges very often, and when I do they're not for very long at all. I feel like I am quick to forgive and along with that - I am also quick to admit my own fault.  I remember a night at a friend's house. I was telling a story and my husband corrected me about something and I said "Yeah, you're right, I was wrong. Sorry." The other husband heard me say that and turned to his wife and asked, "Did you hear that!? She admits when she's wrong!" It was just a silly comment made in jest, but it made me feel good to know I was doing something that someone else found admirable.

I am a good cook
I write this one down because it's a skill I am working on and so part of me hopes if I write it down it will become more true (positive affirmations, right?). Seriously though, when I got married, I didn't even know how to scramble eggs. Now I can plan a full meal and have people asking me for my recipes! I'm far from ever auditioning for Master Chef, but I have perfected the Snickerdoodle, let me tell you. :)

I sing well
I have been singing and performing for people since I was a very little girl. I was in choir for years and took private voice lessons. I started out majoring in music in college, but eventually switched. I love music and I really enjoy singing.


These are just a few "skills" I have to list. What are your skills?

I know so many amazing women (and men!) and so I thought instead of just highlighting myself, I'd point out some qualities I recognize in other people:

My Mom
My mom is the most compassionate person I have ever met in my life. She is so willing to serve and help others, it's ridiculous. She is so bubbly and full of life it is impossible to not catch that spirit when you are around her. Another thing about my mom is she's responsible. I'm not talking about "Yes, I turned the oven off before I left the house" responsible. I'm talking about staying at work, clocked out for the day, but still working because she feels that sense of accountability to get everything done before the next day. Sucks for the paycheck, but it makes me admire her for her diligence and her accountability. If my mom says she's going to do something - she does it.

My sister Kassi
My sister Kassi has had a rough life. Things just seem to not always go so smoothly for her. But she is such a strong person. When life knocks her down she gets right back up and then punches life in the face. :) She's a very loyal person. I have no doubt that she would take a bullet for the people she loves. I think if she could take on everyone else's hardships just so they don't have to suffer, she would. & I love her for that. She is an awesome big sister.

My sister Kristi
My sister Kristi has always been extremely good at "reading people." After just a small amount of time she can tell you just what makes them tick. It's probably what makes everyone feel so close to her. She's so good at making friends, because she genuinely is interested in knowing people and their lives. It's actually pretty amazing to witness her at work. I am amazed by her perceptiveness and the sympathy that she has for others.

I'm sorry I'm not going to list all my other siblings (I come from a family of 13...) that would just be too crazy! So, sorry other siblings who are reading this - if you want to email me, I'll tell you why you are awesome too! :)

Grandma Helen
My grandma is so cool. For one, she raised 6 kids all by herself. So she's not just my Grandma, she's also the Grandpa too. :P She has always been a hard worker. She worked nights as a nurse for years so that she could be home during the day for her kids. She's supported and housed her kids and grandkids on and off for years (especially the bratty ones). She loves her family. She makes you feel like you are her true "favorite" no matter which child or grandchild you are. (I really think, it's me, though - seriously.) And she makes the meanest cinnamon-sugar toast you'll ever taste. :)

Jessie 
My friend Jessie is one of the most "put together" ladies that I know. She is stylish, nice to everyone, fun to be around, AND she is seriously one of the best moms out there. I love watching her with her kids. She is so creative and fun when it comes to playing with her kids. Almost every status on facebook is about some fun thing she and her daughters have done. There is no doubt that she absolutely adores her kids and I know they love their mom. How could they not!?

Kelsee
Kelsee is a new friend of mine, but I think she is amazing. She is such a strong, positive person who sincerely cares about people. She is a skilled conversationalist. Things seem to just flow when she's around and I admire her for that because I feel so awkward the majority of the time I'm awake! She takes away so much of the awkwardness and I think that truly is a skill!

Anne
This lady is one of my BFFs. She is so much fun to be around and she always makes me feel so good about myself. Okay, enough flirting. Seriously, Anne has so many skills - she's an amazing photographer, she is great at graphic design, she's super stylish, and she's one of the friendliest people You'll ever know. I don't think I've ever met anyone with something bad to say about this girl. She's awesome.

Okay this will be my last one - but certainly not the least!

Kelly
Kelly is my personal aspiration. She is good at EVERYTHING. She sings, she plays the piano, she can cook, she crafts, she's made furniture!, she takes gorgeous pictures. Basically anything that you can find on pinterest she can do it or has already done it. On top of all her amazing qualities, she's a really good friend and is so fun to be around.


Okay - Now I know as you were reading this you were thinking of your skills or people who you admire - so go make your own list! :)

4 months

Ben has hit the 4 month mark! At his 4 month old appointment he weighed 16.3 lbs and was 25 1/4 inches long. He's still a little above average, but the gap is closer than it was last month. This month he didn't put on the pounds, but he did shoot up in height. So now he's not such a chunk.

Don't get me wrong, he's still a fatty - just less so! :)

News since last month:

Ben is starting to enjoy being in his swing.
He loves sitting up in his bumbo seat.
We've been putting him in bouncy-seat and he loves it. He's getting really good at kicking his legs.
He's also starting to enjoy car rides. He doesn't fall asleep in the car - ever, but he doesn't cry anymore. (yay!)
He smiles and laughs a ton!! He cracks up all the time- sometimes at nothing! It is so much fun! He smiles really big whenever we walk up to him. Who doesn't love being appreciated like that!?
His favorite toys are: his ball, his turtle, and his frog.
He also loves staring at the dog's tail when it's wagging.
He doesn't sleep very well at night, so this month I'm slowly starting to put him on a regular schedule and some semblance of a routine- we can adjust from there.
Ben is a very sweet, happy little boy and I absolutely love being his mother.