No. We’re not waiting till we graduate.
No. We’re not waiting until we can “afford” one. (Is that
even possible?)
Yes, I already know “it’ll happen when it happens”
No I’m not stressed.
No I’m not on drugs. Haha (no one has actually asked me that
one… I just figured while I’m at it, I’d nip that one too.)
Yes, Doug and I have been trying to conceive for over a
year.
Doug and I aren’t really shy about the topic. Millions of
people have problems with fertility, so I know we’re just a statistic among the
childless. We generally don’t bring it up though, because:
1)
People usually say something stupid, like “oh
really? He just looks at me and I get pregnant” or “Really? That’s so sad… you
can have mine!” (Not a joke…I’ve gotten
that one before.)
OR
2)
They give you unsolicited advice without knowing
any of your life details: “maybe it’s your diet”; “you’re probably stressed”; “you
should try ________ (some product or position that they believe is the key to
baby-making).”
I used to be really bitter about it. All I’ve ever wanted is
to be a mom and to even imagine the possibility that that may not happen is
hard to cope with. I used to come home crying every Sunday because our ward is
densely saturated with young moms popping out babies left and right. Sitting in
a chapel listening to babies coo and cry for an hour made my heart sink. After
the first week of that, I decided to move to the very front of the chapel so I
would at least get the babies out of my immediate sight. That helped me out a
TON.
Honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever stop being sensitive about
it- I have good days and bad days, but I generally don’t feel bitter about it
anymore; I don’t feel animosity towards baby bumps. I genuinely feel excited
and happy for people who announce that they’re pregnant. It’s an exciting
thing! And as much as it may feel like it, I know all these couples are not
getting pregnant just to spite me. It took me a while, but I learned how to be
happy for the blessings in other people’s lives, and to recognize that I’m very
blessed too, just in different ways.
I should also acknowledge that I know we haven’t been trying
for as long as other couples. The ones who have tried for 5+ years will most
likely roll their eyes at me. I know people who have tried for years, people
who have just started trying, people who have had multiple miscarriages and
still births, people who have had one or two kids but now can’t have anymore,
etc… we come in all forms. Some have had a harder time than others but no
matter what your situation is, it’s hard. Period.
I spoke with a church leader about this a few months ago. I
didn’t go to her to vent, I simply went for advice because I know her pretty
well and I know she would direct me to some good resources. What I didn’t
expect was how much I’d change my point of view. One of the very first questions she asked me
was, “What has your experience taught you about Jesus Christ?” I was a little
taken aback by the question, because I wasn’t prepared for it and I thought it
was a little out of place in the conversation.
As I thought about it, I really had a lot that I have learned. I
told her: I know He loves me. I know there’s a reason for all of this. I know
that I can turn to Him for comfort and relief. I also told her that I feel like
this may be something that may help me long-term. Maybe one day I will have children who will
go through this and I’ll know how to comfort them. Or maybe it’ll just be that
I’ll have friends who I can help. I’ve already been able to help other women
through their struggles with infertility just because I’m someone they can talk
to. Going through this helps me gain an
eternal perspective as well. I know that even if I’m never a parent in this
life - one day, I will be.
