Tonight in my religion class we were discussing divorce. There were a lot of things I thought about saying, but didn’t. So I want to say everything now:
I come from a very “broken” family. My grandparents on both sides are divorced. One of my grandmas has been married 3 times. All of my uncles (and one aunt) on my dad’s side, with the exception of one, have been divorced at least once. My own parents are divorced. My father has been remarried 4 times. And now one of my sisters is seriously considering divorce.
The odds of ending up in a divorce increase for children who come from divorced families.
Everything in my life tells me marriage doesn’t last. But I know that’s not true. Even with the statistics, even with the real-life examples, I still value and believe in the divine institution of marriage. Marriage has not failed. It’s the couple that has given up. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said in 2007 that, “For most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness.”
I know firsthand that marriage is hard work. But isn’t anything worth having, worth earning? I can tell you the repercussions of divorce all day long. There are so many negative consequences that come from tearing a family a part-- even when the marriage doesn’t involve children. Elder Oaks, in the same talk, shared a shocking report where, “A broad-based international study of the levels of happiness before and after “major life events” found that, on average, persons are far more successful in recovering their level of happiness after the death of a spouse than after a divorce.” (If that doesn’t tell you “divorce-isn’t the answer” then I don’t know what will!)
I’m not bitter about my parent’s divorce. Their actions help me avoid many mistakes in my own life and in my own marriage. (Plus, even though my family fell apart- my parents are still the most wonderful parents a kid could ever ask for.) When Doug and I were dating and talking about marriage, I told him- “If we get married, we are not getting a divorce.” That was my way of saying “either you’re in or your out.” It’s really that simple of a decision to me. Marriage itself is difficult. I’d rather spend my energy working on my marriage rather than mulling over whether I want to be married or not.
My advice to married couples no matter where they are on the spectrum (newlyweds or nearly-deads) is to look for the good in your spouse. When that’s not enough, turn to the Lord. “Thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain” (2 Nephi 2:1–2). My wedding band has an inscription on it that says “Come what may and love it.” I know Doug and I have not seen the worst yet. But it doesn’t really matter, because we both know that whatever problems arise we’re going to work through them because that’s what a committed marriage is all about.
To finish up, I want to share with you what President Spencer W. Kimball taught us about marriage. He instructed that “Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage … means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all.”
